Psychology.

Psychology. A subject that I guess I've always had some interest in, I mean I'm usually fascinated by how the mind works because it is so complex and strange. Nevertheless I must state now that I am no expert, in fact I don't know the first thing when it comes to Psychology. But I have two instances in the past week or so that I think require a mention.

First of all, Ebay psychology. I say this because I have become acquainted with this website recently and I am somewhat hooked. It is nothing serious but I just feel like it has a significant effect on me. Right so Ebay is all about bidding. Put short, the bidder with the highest bid at the end of the auction wins. So fairly simple you may think. So first, pick your item - one that you particular want. So I picked a game. I have learnt about Ebay sniping, where you wait and wait until the last minute to bid, if there is an item you want, there is a good chance that somebody else will also want it. So I was involved in this last minute bidding frenzy for a game that I wanted. I put in my bid of 1 pound with 1 minute to go. I next saw a big of 1.50 on my screen, so I had been out bid. 30 seconds to go, there was like a sudden rush - an excitement. I put in my bid of 201 pence. and I won the bid. I soon looked out on whether if the guy had tried to bid again, and he did, 200 pence. So, I won by 1p - and for some reason it was exhiliarating. I have no idea why, but if I had gone to the shop and bought the game for 2 pounds - I would never have been as happy as I am now about the purchase. That extra 1p made all the difference, plus the fact that I outsmarted the other guy by bidding an extra penny to beat him/her to it.

Next is self destructive behaviour. I feel that it describes me in a way. I only noticed it yesterday actually, while playing Tetris. Now, I am an avid tetris player, and probably play at least once a day. But I found that against my opponents, whenever I was doing really good I thought to myself 'wow this is going good, I'm probably going to win' - a moment later I make a horrific mistake. See, if this happened once, then fine I made a mistake - but EVERY SINGLE time I felt I was doing well, I made an error. It got me thinking to trying to examine which reasons I had in sabotaging this simple game, of course I wanted to win, I always want to win and I'd say I'm quite competitive. So why did I always do the same thing? I thought about it a while later and figured that actually - I do it all the time, not just in petty games, but in so many other situations. If ever there is something good happening in my life I will not continue it, I won't let it run it's course, instead I seek to stop that good thing and return to normality. Quite strange I feel, I looked up on wikipedia. And one of the reasons was that the subject wanted to have the challenge of 'reaching the top'. And that is true - I always feel like I do better if I start from the bottom - things are not worth achieving if you don't work hard for it. I don't know.

I'm quite sad because I had my last day at Imperial today - it has been a good 6 weeks and the people there are lovely. Hopefully I'll keep on working on the project while I'm away at Warwick but we shall see!

Wishlist

Just a few more weeks until the university team begins, and suddenly I have become severely materialistic and starting to want things that I obviously can not afford. I will do my best to satisfy these strange needs by purchasing a few of these thigs on the list but I definitely do not have the money to buy any of this. I still need to buy stuff for the house, possibly will have to shell out for a new bookcase, various other small things like duvet and duvet cover. It all adds up! My travel money along with books will probably cost £300 for the year.

But anyway here is my wishlist/needlist

PSP (Playstation Portable) - £100 from Japan, probably £40 for games
Nintendo DS - £100, £30 for games
Nintendo Wii - £180 with games
Designers Evisu Jeans - £80
Singstar for PS2 - £20
Other games for PS2 - £30
Rug - £10
Asus Netbook - £200
Bedsheets and Duvet covers - £20

whats more, there is alot more where that came from, I just can't remember it! I shall probably edit this post as I remember all the things that I want. More importantly I will force myself to get out of this materialistic mood of wanting things that I can not afford.

Em

Another new post for a brand new month. Things are looking quite optimistic this month. Most of it is planned out and whenever a part of your future is resolved, no matter how short it always takes some weight off your mind.

So this month I am working. I work at Imperial College doing some research/data entry stuff. It is not the most fantastic job but makes a pretty damn good temp job. I'm in my 3rd week now and I guess it's going alright, I have a good relationship with my boss and everyone seems friendly and fair. Tommorow I go and visit the HTSO - yep. We still use that name after years ad years of childish use, and with various names too. But I think we have just stuck to Half Term Sleep Over. Ultra geeky and gay, and of course I would never reveal it to my friends in general converstation.

Ronald wrote on Emily Orlowski's wall.
Ronald wrote on Emilie Vautier's wall.
Ronald wrote on Emily Huynh's wall.

That is what reads on my facebook today. I did this unconsiously, which was strange because you would think that you would notice something like that as you do it. Quirky.. perhaps I have a strange connection with people with that name.

I.e has agreed to switch rooms, it's so sweet of her to do so. I'm not sure if she really wants to do it but she's always cute like that and willing to go out of her way to please other people. Being in contact with her, makes me slightly miss university again. Right now I'm not too keen on going back, I know I have to so there is no point thinking otherwise but I would rather not. Having said that I will probably change my mind the week I get back to university and start partying again and re-visiting all my housemates. But I'm happy sitting at home, typing away. Occasionally going out to meet friends, play tennis or football. It's casual, I've got out of the habit of studying and reading things and trying to understand - I guess it is due to the massive break we have. Still I have to focus on my job - there is actually a bonus at stake so I could try and go for that. Ahh and now United have berbatov. AWESOME. I want to get his jersey as soon as possible.

Wall

I am extremely lethargic today. I am not completely sure why, but I put it down to a lack of sleep. Right now it just feels like I have hit a bit of a brick wall. It just feels like that everything is incomplete and the future seems less resolved then I would like it to be.

Also, that dream I had really put me in a bad mood today. Anybody reading this won't understand, but she was horrible to me. It goes to show that even when you leave issues alone that haven't bothered you for such a long time - it can sometimes haunt you back in just one moment, just that 1 dream set me on this annoying mood swing and although I will probably be over it by tommorow it's something that I'd rather not have to deal with.

Few more weeks until University. I'm looking forward to it!

The Independent

I realised a couple of days ago that a British newspaper, The Independent had used a song in their advertisement on TV.

The song they used was Dr. Dre's Still D.R.E, I think it is a fantastic song, I like the beat and everything and the lyrical content of it all. I do wonder if the Independent know that the lyrical meaning behind the song consists of hating the police, drugs, owning AK-47s.

Just a thought, I still love the song anyway. and I read the Guardian.

Steve McClaren is a Tool.

Steve McClaren is one of those people that everybody finds annoying, he [apart from being vaguely associated with Man Utd] is a complete failure. He is a person who always think he is doing his best, but in actual fact he just fucks up everything he touches.

His career kicked off at Old Trafford, but thankfully he wasn't given a position of much importance, so he couldn't mess up the greatest team in the world. As you can tell I am a United supporter and for that Steve McClaren is a total arse, just a huge one. I am sure Sir Alex sees him as his largest failure in his career, even more so than Massimo Taibi and Mark Bosnich.

Next was Middlesborough, wasn't too bad I guess, finishing 7th and 14th in his 2 years there, and also managing to get to the final of the Uefa cup.

England, now the England FA was up the arse and ignorant in that they had to get an Englishmen to be in charge of the England team. This was after Sven Goran Eriksson was clearly not familiar with the wrath of the British tabloids and the bullshit that comes with them. McClaren wanted to make his small dick larger, so he dropped the talisman captain David Beckham to show that he was the boss and was even willing to put shit players in the team to make his point. He later realised what an arsewipe he was being and was forced to bring him back. England didn't make it into Euro 2008, and this was because of McClaren's horrendous team selection against the final group game in Croatia which ended in a 3-2 defeat.

Carson, Richards, Campbell, Lescott, Bridge, Wright-Phillips (Beckham 46), Gerrard, Barry (Defoe 46), Lampard, Joe Cole (Bent 80), Crouch.

That is the most second rate defence that England have ever seen, and Carson?! seriously what were you thinking? I remember the Croatian goals, absolutely ridiculous defending and the worst goalkeeping you will ever see. McClaren, was sacked obviously and good riddance to him as well.

Most recently, he has taken up the top managerial role of FC Twente, an upcoming dutch team. He was interviewed recently about being drawn against Arsenal in the European Cup, and while I watched this interview, I fully concluded that this guy is and always will be a tool.



Steve McClaren you are English, we all know you are English and we all had to put the with the bullshit that came out of your mouth when England were knocked out of the Euro 2008 competition. So why on earth is this arrogant tool putting on a fresh new Dutch Accent? Just because you manage in a different country doesn't mean you have to use their accent. Sven always tried to speak English but he never put on some stupid fake accent. He is an embarrassment, the people in Holland probably think he is a fool because the Dutch can speak perfectly fine English.

Last of all, Steve, you lost 2-0. In his match report he claimed that he was happy with his result, and that he had Arsenal rattled for 60 minutes. Alright 60 minutes there were no goals, but by all means FC Twente were not winning were they?! After 60 minutes Gallas scores, OH NO! our plan has only worked for 60 minutes! If they had scored after 8 minute I am sure McClaren would have claimed that Arsenal were rattled for the 8 minutes prior to the first goal. Idiot what kind of reaction to the end of a game is that?

Wake Up

Wake Up is just a title of a song which I like, it's a bit lonely and sad. On a different note I really like Calvin Harris' music right now too.

Updates on life. Tennis first I guess. I got my racquet restrung because it was being anal and finally snapped. Played against Jason with it for the first time today, 6-0, 6-0, 6-1. I'm not sure whether my racquet did the work or if it was me. I kept on thinking about the placebo effect and on how although better equipment your game alot of the time it just comes down to the person. I'm trying to get fit again but it's so hard by yourself, sure you can play tennis and football, which are my 2 favourite sports, but you always have to have somebody to do it with, you can not do it by yourself!

What else, ah yes gaming. I now own a DS Lite, green too! It's so small and compact. Like IE! haha. I will soon own a PS2 as well, and hopefully I will get Singstar and Guitar Hero for next year at University.

I start my job soon, this Friday in fact, I hope it all goes well because I've been waiting a long time for this!

I'm starting to miss IH again, I didn't before but it's been a while now and thinking about the people at IH just makes me think about all the good times, I might get a chance to see the guys on Monday though, that will be good fun.

Watching the olympics is inspirational, I get goosebumps! especially when Adlington won her gold, absolutely fenomenal. In football, I found it hilarious that Portsmouth missed 3 penalties, in particular Glen Johnson. I hope united sign a striker soon, my preferred choice would be Berbatov, but Henry would be more audacious.

Straight Sets

Today I won in straight sets. Finally. I still beat Jason all the time, but haven't beaten him cleanly for a while.

Job Interview tommorow. Hope I get it!

The Dark Knight

I always struggle to think up a good title for my blog post.
But as I saw the Dark Knight the other day, I thought I would write a small review on it.
It is amazing, and will easily be the film of the year in my eyes. It will go straight into my list of films that I really respect. It was quite a long film, but was worth sitting through it all. Credits do go to the main actors, who played Batman, The 2-Face man and especially the Joker, Heath Ledger was surely mesmerising. The film touched upon many different themes and triggered many thoughts. I'd advise you not to read on if you don't want spoilers.

The Joker had made it his mission to prove that everybody was corruptable. And this, he did to Harvey the district attorney, who was driven to the 'evil' side through the Joker's actions. The Joker didn't just relentlessly kill people, he tried to make everyone corrupt. It just makes you think, that everybody has a limit. A limit where you will go against your own beliefs and values, and follow a different route to get what needs to be achieved. Another scene where Bruce[Batman], knows where two of the captives are, Harvey and Rachel. Rachel is the person who he believes he will eventually be together with despite her relationship with Harvey. Bruce will go against his professional choice to go for Harvey the more important of the 2 captives and instead go for Rachel the girl he loves. That of course is wrong, but understandable - people will always go for the option which has more personal value, even though morally they should not.

Anyways go watch it, it truly is amazing and as many critics have said, it has redefined the comic book super hero film genre. 10/10. and not many films get that. only great films like mean girls, shawshank redemption, lion king, american gangster have recieved that rating from me. =p

Memory, I have always thought. What if you could erase parts of it, the parts that you didn't feel were worth remembering, due to the pain or whatever. I've always wished that this could happen, not particularly because I have had a painful past or bad memories, it's just that there are parts that I would rather forget, I know in due time I will eventually just forget that rubbish that I think I don't need. I always wonder about re-meeting people as well. Sure everybody has their friends now, but say if you forget how you met somebody and to start afresh. I know it would be really upsetting for the other person to realise that you had forgotten all the memories that they you had of them. But, apart from that wouldn't it be really interesting, to see if your relationship would turn out the same, surely your friend will remember the relationship you had before, but you would have to start from the beginning. I always have strange thoughts like this sometimes, these 'what ifs' that of course are not actually scientifically possible unless I had a crazy accident and fell into a coma. That's all.

Post Number II

2nd post. Getting into this!
I keep on fiddling around with my blog, it changes colour all the time as I am never happy with the font and colour, I have now settled on this dark background, which is easy on the eyes even though it makes me appear a bit dark and strange.

I am unable write interesting, good blog entries, not like my good friend Hok, he has a style of writing which is so much better than mine, and I shall make it my aim to get to a style as admirable as his. Perhaps I need find better topics to write about and jot down my amazing ideas that I have during the day.

I am addicted to tennis, so addicted that I played 4 hours today. I have gymnasts hands as a result. It is an amazing sport I want to play it every day, and I would if I could find enough opponents! Played Jason today, he can not beat me, I must not let him beat me. I feel that even just 1 defeat against him will shatter my whole aura. You don't go and win every match against him [around 10] and then lose 1, you must go on winning, and the more you win the larger you win streak gets, and each time you play there is more at stake and more pressure to win. It'll just keep going on, and until I lose, and then when I do lose? then what happens?

Tommorow. Dark Knight. Can't Wait

Just In Case I Ever Forget

Ok then, so here is the first post. I never thought that I would ever come back to blogging again, I did have one when I was a lot younger but it sort of died out, I did re-read it the other day and felt quite nostalgic. I'm not too sure why I have decided to make another one, I am not even sure whether I will stick to this, this will probably be my longest ever post simply because I have been storing these thoughts for ages and it's something that probably should be written over a longer period of time but nevermind eh, it could possibly even be my last post but we shall see. I was somewhat inspired by one of my friends steven, who used his blog to rant and reveal all the trials and tribulations he had to face during the day. I suppose I shall use this in the same way, an outlet you could say. There are always things that will run around in my mind and sometimes, just sometimes your friends are not available. I am never sure whether these kinds of things work, on one hand it is good to record how you feel at a certain time, so that when you look back at something in a few years time you can understand your past better and move forward. On the other hand I also had the thought that girls wasted their time writing personal thoughts in their diaries because your mind will store the things you need to remember within your memories. No need for diaries, because your brain will store those good, and bad times.

So now, I am in my summer holidays now, finished my 1st year at Warwick University! and my my was it a good year. This post will probably be dominated with my thoughts on how the year went as opposed to what is going on in the present and future. My first year as a proper student, living away from home without my parents, having to look after myself. It was a magnificient experience I must say, and a unique one too - which is why I will always encourage people to move out for University, it's not just the academic side that has to be embraced, but the social side. I decided to take up a 4 year engineering course, still undecided whether it is the best choice for me but I hope it is, because I am committing alot of money and time towards it. So far so good though, I managed to scrape through with 68%, a 2.1 which is pretty good, considering I was far too lazy in the first two terms.

1st impressions of University? Well, I remember stepping into my room and thinking, gosh this is such a student room! It was however still bigger than the one I have at home so no complaints! The whole of the 1st term was all about the 1st impressions and there was that thrill of meeting new people, embarking on a new course and generally making small steps to becoming an independent person. The first two weeks, I had always thought were the most daunting, the so called freshers fortnight where all the 1st years were given a light academic timetable to accommodate for the big nights at the union. As all people should remember, their first night I must say, I arrived on the second day, I believe it was a Sunday, I was so scared and didn't really know what to expect. I was horribly late and didn't get the freshers t-shirt or anything and I remember just waiting for time to dwindle because I hadn't really got to know any of my floormates. I did however play football with a few of the guys, Sean - asked me to play football, I thought awesome, and from there I got to know a few of the guys, Jason, Ben, Neal, and I remember Dijana being a brilliant pink goal post. As the evening came, I had no alcohol and knew nobodys name, none of the girls anyway but I still sat in the kitchen and tried to join in. I do remember Rich lending me a beer, and Joel was really friendly too. We all went to the union and I remember asking Joel to get me what he was having, and he was having a Quad shot, double Vodka and double JD with coke. So hardly any coke, we downed it anyway. I had no idea where people were so I lost all of my housemates within like an hour, I did search for them but wasn't too sure who I was searching for and it was way too packed. Bumped into a few of my school mates and headed back to my mate Garys. I was slightly tipsy, after that 1 drink, it was super strong though! [I just got a text from Momo =) ] headed home and had a good chat with kyalo before I unpacked and went to bed. That is how much I remember from my first night.

First impressions?

Well do I dare reveal all? I think I had an opinion on everyone when I first met them after the first few days, and distinctly thinking about who I might get on and who I might not get on with. To be honest I try to get on well with everyone but sometimes you manage to find a better connection than others. First, the emilys, emily-y and emilie-ie [as they were known] and perhaps rhydian and brian I thought I might not get on as well with. Now, thinking back now I really have no idea why I thought this and of course first impressions mean absolutely nothing. I guess I based my first impressions on how someone looked, where they were from, the course they were studying, what they brought out to the dinner table and their accent? I don't know it is somewhat a blur now. I seemed to find a good common ground with Dijana mostly, Sean, Neal, Elodia, Joel and of course anyone who played football with me on that day I knew there was something we had in common. I was super impressed that Rachel played with us actually, it was like the first time a girl had ever participated properly in a game! Even Rosana, from HK I thought I would get along with.

Freshers fortnight is a blur, I only remember the small things now. I remember going off with Morwenna for our first lecture, which was terribly boring and just revision. But it was cool that I had somebody to go with, I was sort of glad that it was a girl because I thought I would always be around with guys on my course so I thought I was very fortunate to have a girl engineer on my floor! I didn't know whether if we would get on but 9 months on.. I love Momo, she saves my ass all the time and always encourages me to do better. Well.. What else from freshers fortnight?

-I remember a chat with Elodia, late at night about films and about the student cinema and about what films we would go and see together
-I remember buying posters at the union with Dijana, she persuaded me to get the Mohammed Ali which was on my door.
-I remember eating chicken and rice for like the first 4 days that my parents had made me, and each day I asked if anybody wanted to try it even though it was exactly the same dish! but people were willing to try anyway.
-I remember watching and discussing the modern Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo Di Caprio.
-I remember Ted's 80 percent.
-I remember the first time somebody called out my name outside while I was walking back from a lecture, I had lost Mo, it was Emily-y, she had finished her lecture too and was walking back and she was really warm towards me.
-I remember Freshers ball and dressing up for it, parting with £20 to see Amerie was painful. But it was perhaps the first time there were signs of an IH family forming. =]
-I remember going to Rootes A-C block with Joel and Rich and robbing an ironing board.
-I remember doing a stupid amount of sports. everyday. my housemates thought I was crazy.
-I remember contracting freshers flu.
-I remember moaning at everyone who had ready cooked meals, smoked or got too drunk.
-I remember Skins.

That is as far as my memory will take me.
Of course 1st term would have been perfect had I not had to think about who I wanted to live with next year. It was seriously stressful and I had nobody to talk to in the house about it and nobody really understood my situation apart from myself. But nevertheless the first few weeks whizzed by, we went out several times to the union, in particular top B. I remember I had finally found someone that liked Skins! I did not know it was from Bristol but I remember emily-y offered me her leftover pasta bake as we sat there watching it. I remember we set up Always Scoring FC, which will now hopefully be renamed to IH Legends for next year, I liked the name Wheres IE? but I don't think that will get voted in. We started a Pro Evo league and had our corresponding Encouragement Officers. Where each girl was assigned a guy who was playing in the league. I do wonder how the girls managed to split themselves to each guy. The drinking tournaments we had were always classic as well.

Most famously of this term was, Halloween night. It was in my opinion easily in the top 3 nights of the year. I think it was because everybody dressed up and made a big effort to looking scary. We had all gone to tescos earlier and purchased fake blood and costumes. My costume was pretty crap though, it was just a cloak with a custom made 2 faced mask. People were scared of me because there was 1 scary side and the other side was just plain white! We all had a lot to drunk became very merry, we have tons of photos from that night which is cool. I remember Ted, tennis player! haha, and I.E was the very sweet pumpkin. There were many draculas, crazy nurses/doctors/patients/zombies too! Music was good too I remember being on the dancefloor, but it was SO hot underneath my mask, and most of the time people were just prodding my face! One of the funniest things happened that night, we got back [quite tipsy but getting sober] and decided to get food because we were absolutely starving. So I went out with emily-y to go get some food and chips for kyalo. We were walking back with our food but instead of going back we sat on the bench. and just left kyalo's food on the floor as we sat and finished off our own food and had a smoke. We even took loads of silly photos, to this day kyalo doesn't know, and I have no idea why I found that particular bit of the night so funny. There are photos somewhere but I have not got them and shall have to track them down. Oh and I also remember on the last night me and Sean endeavoured.. a super strong Blackcurrent Cocktail, and.. Raw Chicken.

Second term, of course memorable. By the end of the 1st term I had established some good friends in IH. In particular Dijana and Emily-y if I remember correctly. Second term kicked off with many birthdays, and made sure they had fun and got smashed! Most of term 2 is actually a blur to me now, of course I remember a few nights. My friend Jason came up, Jerone came to visit too! =D There were several big nights, I remember Ministry of Sound was an awesome night with great music. and Meta. CARNAGE. I don't even remember bits of that night, I woke up with ketchup all over my door and with a horrendous ankle injury. It doesn't matter though because Sean remembered everything for me and made sure I was okay, even though I threatened to beat him up for silly reasons. Went to visit Bristol too, the home of Skins, and Emily of course. I had a really fun time actually, Bristol wasn't what I expected it to be and Emily had a trampoline! I wasn't sure at the time what was going on but I knew Emily did not have the best of nights, and I felt bad for her. Some of the people from her past had come back to haunt her and I knew she was upset, still I did all I could to help my her but there is only so much you can do if you do not understand the situation. We went to see Bath as well, which was a very cool town and probably somewhere I might go again!

-I remember the Chinese New Year Meal.
-I remember quality matches against Sean and Ben at Pro Evolution.
-I remember the All-Nighter.
-I remember signing for the House.
-I remember the best meal that I have ever made.
-I remember Roxanne.
-I remember Corriball.
-I remember Turkey Dinosaurs, Chicken Nuggets, Rice Cakes, Sausages&Rice.
-I remember Bennys. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
-I remember massive burgers.

3rd Term, came fast. Too fast for my liking, I was not prepared for any of it. I had just come back from a trip away in Amsterdam, which was very eventful and enjoyable! But I realised that I was well behind in my work and revision and was struggling to concentrate on my studies. I still managed to have fun alot of the time. The football matches and the Ultimate Frisbee games, Milly's 19th was great fun, so were the trips to Varsity. With all the exams everyone was getting really stressed out, tense around each other trying to fit things around exam schedules and stuff. But I guess at the end of the day it all worked out fine. There was an amazing holiday organised by I.E to her hometown Jersey, it was so good. It was mainly just relaxing on the beach, but to be honest that was all that we needed. After all the exams we all let our hair down and focused on having fun seeing as it was our last two weeks together.

As the year came to an end I could not help but think that it had gone too fast. It was too overwhelming. It always goes too fast doesn't it? Especially when you are having fun. I guess I became incredibly sentimental about everything, which is silly really because it's not like I won't ever see my housemates again, I'm living with half of them next year! I didn't know why I felt so low, there are so many things that I shall miss. IH, the shoddy old building with really bad walls and strangely coloured carpets. The silly small toilets. The blocked up shower. The cleaners, who, quite frankly did not clean. Most of all the Kitchen. The Kitchen was where it all started, and where everything happens. It was host of all our drinking circles which were amazingly fun, but also the place to go where you had enough of being alone in your room and wanted to go to talk. The best time was dinner time, everyone who was around seemed to just gather and cook, well in some cases just boiling pasta or nuking a dish. Nevertheless that was when I felt most at home, maybe also because I actually really enjoy cooking, and I am always trying to improve and create better dishes. I always seek the approval of Rachel, who has probably tried every single dish I have ever made, and if she likes it and I like it, then I'm happy. I knew I should not have got so upset about it, there was not too much to be upset with. But I do miss IH, there is no doubt about it. But it's gone now, it's taken me quite a while to like fully get over it and to realise that whatever happened in IH are just memories now. I have even gone to some length in trying to forget about IH a little and focus on being in my own home.

So next year, I have accepted that things will not be the same, not in the slightest. I live with Emilie, Rachel, Dijana, Neal, Ted, and Nathan. I will always wonder if I picked the right house, at the time I felt that I was definitely in a dilema and did not know where to go, it almost felt as if I had to pick between Emily and Dijana, as they were the 2 that I got on with most at the time. Still this is the decision I made and had I made the other decision I know that I would have been no happier, or worse, and I would still wonder 'what if' just as much as I am doing so now so there is no point fretting over things like this. Brian can't be with us this year, he was a cool guy from America, and had to go back this year, he fit in really well. It took a while because I remember in the 1st term he didn't really join in with us at all but he was fully involved with everything we did as a house. I remember his last night very well, we were going to Top B but had decided against it despite being in the queue for ages. Still, I guess this would go in my Top 3 nights. I shared a whole bottle of archers and malibu that night, and had beers so I was very tipsy. We all just sat in the Piazza and chatted, for hours on end. Some of it is a blur now, due to the alcohol but the atmosphere was unique, there is no way that kind of night will ever happen again.

I never knew what happened with Dijana. It was clear that in the first term she was completely part of the rest of the house and trying to get to know people just as much as the rest of us. From what I saw she was really close with Rachel back in Term 1 but something changed from term 2 onwards and it just progressively went on until the end of the year. She had told us that she felt it was a good idea to hang out more with the other people from her own course. Sure that is fine but I get the feeling she somehow delibrately tried to distance herself away from the rest of our house. She stayed in her room and did not really participate when we all went out together as a group. I never completely understood what was going on through her mind, perhaps I will find out as we are living with her next year. I know that in term 1, I could always hang out in her room, her door was always open and she was very welcoming, but in term 2 that did slow down alot more, she was still very welcoming and the same Dijana that I had met on the first day. We spoke alot less as a result, I wasn't really upset about this but in other circumstances I may have been. I actually still see her as a really good friend and somebody that I can trust, it's just that the way she managed to distance herself away from the rest of the house so quickly is of some slight concern. Still next year things will change.

Emily, Undoubtedly the person I have the deepest connection with. It's something that grew really quickly throughout term 1 and 2. She is genuinely the most friendliest person I have ever met. At first, I thought I would not get on but I was wrong. I loved it in the first two terms we often just went outside to talk, and the topics would be about ANYTHING, we would just sit there with a fag, and there wasn't really a boundary on any topic and it was always freeflowing. She actually managed to open me up and I felt I could be myself a bit more. We do seem to get on quite well and we do have quite a lot in common, food, archers, friends, skins.. the list goes on. Cooking together was also extremely cool, I don't know how we started in the first place, I think it was when I made sausages and rice? or pasta bake? Might ask her about it one day. But we made so many good meals! Fajitas was probably my favourite, or stir fried vegetable noodles with chicken nuggets. In the end I think I made the mistake of thinking I always had to cook with her which meant that whenever I cooked for myself I was lost and never knew what to make! We did say that we would try and carry on cooking together sometimes next year but I am unsure on whether it will happen. I know I made a big mistake. It's something that will make me feel as if I have let her down and no matter how long I seek forgiveness I know that there is a chance I will never redeem myself. Nevertheless I am hopeful that things between us will be OK. Of course the most natural option would be for us to drift away but you know that saying 'Friends come and go?' She won't go, She is one of those friends that will have left something with me, you know those friends that you reckon that you will know for life, I think she might be one of them. I still care for her [even though I shouldn't] and will always be around to look out and be there for her. I know that maintaining our friendship will take some effort, I can accept that we will not be as close anymore, but I still feel that there is something at stake so I will do my best to spend time with her.

How many times a day did I have to greet IE - " Hallu IE " - with which she would reply " Halluuu" I have no idea when I became so chummy with IE. I know that in the first term there was no way I would just walk into her room by myself and act really silly around her. I am way too immature around her. It scares me a bit and I should really like stop being a 12 year old around her. I shall stop acting like that next year, well I will try anyway. " You're cute.. noo.. you're cute! " - just one of my favourite conversations with her. It just progressed during term 2? I have discussed this before with other people but I still have no idea when I became so silly around her, because I know it wasn't like this in term 1, perhaps 1 day I will ask her if she remembers. I'm really grateful she is in the house, IE is the person I miss the most, whenever she was away I felt her absence. Her presence in the house was always missed, even if she was just sitting in her room being a geek and typing her essay, it was better then her not being there. It was a shame she kept on leaving at the weekends to visit her boyfriend and her family. I will always appreciate her for being there for me, at the times when I felt I needed someone to talk to. She's a really sweet girl and even though I treat her really badly she always looks out for me. Sometimes I'm not sure whether if she understands what I am going through or what I feel, but she makes sure she is there - because sometimes it's not even about understanding or knowing what advice to give, it's about being there at the right times, like the hug that she gives me every night before she goes to bed, it's just the small things that can make a big difference. The breakfasts we had were always good fun, Pocoyo! Not sure what it will be like next year with her, if I do stop being immature it will be nowhere near as fun, I hope I will still hang out with her because she really does make my day [often with her clumsiness].

I have thought alot about next year, how it will be different to this year. This year is over now, no more IH. Those are just memories that will be stored away now, there is no point missing it so much because there is no chance that the moments that we had in there will ever happen again. You have to look forward to next year, and I do! I'm living with good housemates, in a cool flat. It will be different in that we will be taking care of our own bills, and travelling in and out of campus, it's just another step in gaining more independence for ourselves. I know that getting on with my housemates will be one task, but that shouldn't be too difficult. The real task is seeing if I can maintain my relationships with the people who I am not living with. We have all said that we will try our best to meet up as much as possible, maybe have some slumber parties, film nights, drinking circles, crazy nights out. I am looking forward to the ps3 that sean will hopefully buy in HK, and the new PES is coming out in October. There will be lots of opportunities to meet up but it's just a matter of whether we bother to do it or not. I shall hope so.

That's it. That is a one off post, nothing will ever be that long and detailed again. =]