Psychology.

Psychology. A subject that I guess I've always had some interest in, I mean I'm usually fascinated by how the mind works because it is so complex and strange. Nevertheless I must state now that I am no expert, in fact I don't know the first thing when it comes to Psychology. But I have two instances in the past week or so that I think require a mention.

First of all, Ebay psychology. I say this because I have become acquainted with this website recently and I am somewhat hooked. It is nothing serious but I just feel like it has a significant effect on me. Right so Ebay is all about bidding. Put short, the bidder with the highest bid at the end of the auction wins. So fairly simple you may think. So first, pick your item - one that you particular want. So I picked a game. I have learnt about Ebay sniping, where you wait and wait until the last minute to bid, if there is an item you want, there is a good chance that somebody else will also want it. So I was involved in this last minute bidding frenzy for a game that I wanted. I put in my bid of 1 pound with 1 minute to go. I next saw a big of 1.50 on my screen, so I had been out bid. 30 seconds to go, there was like a sudden rush - an excitement. I put in my bid of 201 pence. and I won the bid. I soon looked out on whether if the guy had tried to bid again, and he did, 200 pence. So, I won by 1p - and for some reason it was exhiliarating. I have no idea why, but if I had gone to the shop and bought the game for 2 pounds - I would never have been as happy as I am now about the purchase. That extra 1p made all the difference, plus the fact that I outsmarted the other guy by bidding an extra penny to beat him/her to it.

Next is self destructive behaviour. I feel that it describes me in a way. I only noticed it yesterday actually, while playing Tetris. Now, I am an avid tetris player, and probably play at least once a day. But I found that against my opponents, whenever I was doing really good I thought to myself 'wow this is going good, I'm probably going to win' - a moment later I make a horrific mistake. See, if this happened once, then fine I made a mistake - but EVERY SINGLE time I felt I was doing well, I made an error. It got me thinking to trying to examine which reasons I had in sabotaging this simple game, of course I wanted to win, I always want to win and I'd say I'm quite competitive. So why did I always do the same thing? I thought about it a while later and figured that actually - I do it all the time, not just in petty games, but in so many other situations. If ever there is something good happening in my life I will not continue it, I won't let it run it's course, instead I seek to stop that good thing and return to normality. Quite strange I feel, I looked up on wikipedia. And one of the reasons was that the subject wanted to have the challenge of 'reaching the top'. And that is true - I always feel like I do better if I start from the bottom - things are not worth achieving if you don't work hard for it. I don't know.

I'm quite sad because I had my last day at Imperial today - it has been a good 6 weeks and the people there are lovely. Hopefully I'll keep on working on the project while I'm away at Warwick but we shall see!

Wishlist

Just a few more weeks until the university team begins, and suddenly I have become severely materialistic and starting to want things that I obviously can not afford. I will do my best to satisfy these strange needs by purchasing a few of these thigs on the list but I definitely do not have the money to buy any of this. I still need to buy stuff for the house, possibly will have to shell out for a new bookcase, various other small things like duvet and duvet cover. It all adds up! My travel money along with books will probably cost £300 for the year.

But anyway here is my wishlist/needlist

PSP (Playstation Portable) - £100 from Japan, probably £40 for games
Nintendo DS - £100, £30 for games
Nintendo Wii - £180 with games
Designers Evisu Jeans - £80
Singstar for PS2 - £20
Other games for PS2 - £30
Rug - £10
Asus Netbook - £200
Bedsheets and Duvet covers - £20

whats more, there is alot more where that came from, I just can't remember it! I shall probably edit this post as I remember all the things that I want. More importantly I will force myself to get out of this materialistic mood of wanting things that I can not afford.

Em

Another new post for a brand new month. Things are looking quite optimistic this month. Most of it is planned out and whenever a part of your future is resolved, no matter how short it always takes some weight off your mind.

So this month I am working. I work at Imperial College doing some research/data entry stuff. It is not the most fantastic job but makes a pretty damn good temp job. I'm in my 3rd week now and I guess it's going alright, I have a good relationship with my boss and everyone seems friendly and fair. Tommorow I go and visit the HTSO - yep. We still use that name after years ad years of childish use, and with various names too. But I think we have just stuck to Half Term Sleep Over. Ultra geeky and gay, and of course I would never reveal it to my friends in general converstation.

Ronald wrote on Emily Orlowski's wall.
Ronald wrote on Emilie Vautier's wall.
Ronald wrote on Emily Huynh's wall.

That is what reads on my facebook today. I did this unconsiously, which was strange because you would think that you would notice something like that as you do it. Quirky.. perhaps I have a strange connection with people with that name.

I.e has agreed to switch rooms, it's so sweet of her to do so. I'm not sure if she really wants to do it but she's always cute like that and willing to go out of her way to please other people. Being in contact with her, makes me slightly miss university again. Right now I'm not too keen on going back, I know I have to so there is no point thinking otherwise but I would rather not. Having said that I will probably change my mind the week I get back to university and start partying again and re-visiting all my housemates. But I'm happy sitting at home, typing away. Occasionally going out to meet friends, play tennis or football. It's casual, I've got out of the habit of studying and reading things and trying to understand - I guess it is due to the massive break we have. Still I have to focus on my job - there is actually a bonus at stake so I could try and go for that. Ahh and now United have berbatov. AWESOME. I want to get his jersey as soon as possible.