Psychology.

Psychology. A subject that I guess I've always had some interest in, I mean I'm usually fascinated by how the mind works because it is so complex and strange. Nevertheless I must state now that I am no expert, in fact I don't know the first thing when it comes to Psychology. But I have two instances in the past week or so that I think require a mention.

First of all, Ebay psychology. I say this because I have become acquainted with this website recently and I am somewhat hooked. It is nothing serious but I just feel like it has a significant effect on me. Right so Ebay is all about bidding. Put short, the bidder with the highest bid at the end of the auction wins. So fairly simple you may think. So first, pick your item - one that you particular want. So I picked a game. I have learnt about Ebay sniping, where you wait and wait until the last minute to bid, if there is an item you want, there is a good chance that somebody else will also want it. So I was involved in this last minute bidding frenzy for a game that I wanted. I put in my bid of 1 pound with 1 minute to go. I next saw a big of 1.50 on my screen, so I had been out bid. 30 seconds to go, there was like a sudden rush - an excitement. I put in my bid of 201 pence. and I won the bid. I soon looked out on whether if the guy had tried to bid again, and he did, 200 pence. So, I won by 1p - and for some reason it was exhiliarating. I have no idea why, but if I had gone to the shop and bought the game for 2 pounds - I would never have been as happy as I am now about the purchase. That extra 1p made all the difference, plus the fact that I outsmarted the other guy by bidding an extra penny to beat him/her to it.

Next is self destructive behaviour. I feel that it describes me in a way. I only noticed it yesterday actually, while playing Tetris. Now, I am an avid tetris player, and probably play at least once a day. But I found that against my opponents, whenever I was doing really good I thought to myself 'wow this is going good, I'm probably going to win' - a moment later I make a horrific mistake. See, if this happened once, then fine I made a mistake - but EVERY SINGLE time I felt I was doing well, I made an error. It got me thinking to trying to examine which reasons I had in sabotaging this simple game, of course I wanted to win, I always want to win and I'd say I'm quite competitive. So why did I always do the same thing? I thought about it a while later and figured that actually - I do it all the time, not just in petty games, but in so many other situations. If ever there is something good happening in my life I will not continue it, I won't let it run it's course, instead I seek to stop that good thing and return to normality. Quite strange I feel, I looked up on wikipedia. And one of the reasons was that the subject wanted to have the challenge of 'reaching the top'. And that is true - I always feel like I do better if I start from the bottom - things are not worth achieving if you don't work hard for it. I don't know.

I'm quite sad because I had my last day at Imperial today - it has been a good 6 weeks and the people there are lovely. Hopefully I'll keep on working on the project while I'm away at Warwick but we shall see!

Wishlist

Just a few more weeks until the university team begins, and suddenly I have become severely materialistic and starting to want things that I obviously can not afford. I will do my best to satisfy these strange needs by purchasing a few of these thigs on the list but I definitely do not have the money to buy any of this. I still need to buy stuff for the house, possibly will have to shell out for a new bookcase, various other small things like duvet and duvet cover. It all adds up! My travel money along with books will probably cost £300 for the year.

But anyway here is my wishlist/needlist

PSP (Playstation Portable) - £100 from Japan, probably £40 for games
Nintendo DS - £100, £30 for games
Nintendo Wii - £180 with games
Designers Evisu Jeans - £80
Singstar for PS2 - £20
Other games for PS2 - £30
Rug - £10
Asus Netbook - £200
Bedsheets and Duvet covers - £20

whats more, there is alot more where that came from, I just can't remember it! I shall probably edit this post as I remember all the things that I want. More importantly I will force myself to get out of this materialistic mood of wanting things that I can not afford.

Em

Another new post for a brand new month. Things are looking quite optimistic this month. Most of it is planned out and whenever a part of your future is resolved, no matter how short it always takes some weight off your mind.

So this month I am working. I work at Imperial College doing some research/data entry stuff. It is not the most fantastic job but makes a pretty damn good temp job. I'm in my 3rd week now and I guess it's going alright, I have a good relationship with my boss and everyone seems friendly and fair. Tommorow I go and visit the HTSO - yep. We still use that name after years ad years of childish use, and with various names too. But I think we have just stuck to Half Term Sleep Over. Ultra geeky and gay, and of course I would never reveal it to my friends in general converstation.

Ronald wrote on Emily Orlowski's wall.
Ronald wrote on Emilie Vautier's wall.
Ronald wrote on Emily Huynh's wall.

That is what reads on my facebook today. I did this unconsiously, which was strange because you would think that you would notice something like that as you do it. Quirky.. perhaps I have a strange connection with people with that name.

I.e has agreed to switch rooms, it's so sweet of her to do so. I'm not sure if she really wants to do it but she's always cute like that and willing to go out of her way to please other people. Being in contact with her, makes me slightly miss university again. Right now I'm not too keen on going back, I know I have to so there is no point thinking otherwise but I would rather not. Having said that I will probably change my mind the week I get back to university and start partying again and re-visiting all my housemates. But I'm happy sitting at home, typing away. Occasionally going out to meet friends, play tennis or football. It's casual, I've got out of the habit of studying and reading things and trying to understand - I guess it is due to the massive break we have. Still I have to focus on my job - there is actually a bonus at stake so I could try and go for that. Ahh and now United have berbatov. AWESOME. I want to get his jersey as soon as possible.

Wall

I am extremely lethargic today. I am not completely sure why, but I put it down to a lack of sleep. Right now it just feels like I have hit a bit of a brick wall. It just feels like that everything is incomplete and the future seems less resolved then I would like it to be.

Also, that dream I had really put me in a bad mood today. Anybody reading this won't understand, but she was horrible to me. It goes to show that even when you leave issues alone that haven't bothered you for such a long time - it can sometimes haunt you back in just one moment, just that 1 dream set me on this annoying mood swing and although I will probably be over it by tommorow it's something that I'd rather not have to deal with.

Few more weeks until University. I'm looking forward to it!

The Independent

I realised a couple of days ago that a British newspaper, The Independent had used a song in their advertisement on TV.

The song they used was Dr. Dre's Still D.R.E, I think it is a fantastic song, I like the beat and everything and the lyrical content of it all. I do wonder if the Independent know that the lyrical meaning behind the song consists of hating the police, drugs, owning AK-47s.

Just a thought, I still love the song anyway. and I read the Guardian.

Steve McClaren is a Tool.

Steve McClaren is one of those people that everybody finds annoying, he [apart from being vaguely associated with Man Utd] is a complete failure. He is a person who always think he is doing his best, but in actual fact he just fucks up everything he touches.

His career kicked off at Old Trafford, but thankfully he wasn't given a position of much importance, so he couldn't mess up the greatest team in the world. As you can tell I am a United supporter and for that Steve McClaren is a total arse, just a huge one. I am sure Sir Alex sees him as his largest failure in his career, even more so than Massimo Taibi and Mark Bosnich.

Next was Middlesborough, wasn't too bad I guess, finishing 7th and 14th in his 2 years there, and also managing to get to the final of the Uefa cup.

England, now the England FA was up the arse and ignorant in that they had to get an Englishmen to be in charge of the England team. This was after Sven Goran Eriksson was clearly not familiar with the wrath of the British tabloids and the bullshit that comes with them. McClaren wanted to make his small dick larger, so he dropped the talisman captain David Beckham to show that he was the boss and was even willing to put shit players in the team to make his point. He later realised what an arsewipe he was being and was forced to bring him back. England didn't make it into Euro 2008, and this was because of McClaren's horrendous team selection against the final group game in Croatia which ended in a 3-2 defeat.

Carson, Richards, Campbell, Lescott, Bridge, Wright-Phillips (Beckham 46), Gerrard, Barry (Defoe 46), Lampard, Joe Cole (Bent 80), Crouch.

That is the most second rate defence that England have ever seen, and Carson?! seriously what were you thinking? I remember the Croatian goals, absolutely ridiculous defending and the worst goalkeeping you will ever see. McClaren, was sacked obviously and good riddance to him as well.

Most recently, he has taken up the top managerial role of FC Twente, an upcoming dutch team. He was interviewed recently about being drawn against Arsenal in the European Cup, and while I watched this interview, I fully concluded that this guy is and always will be a tool.



Steve McClaren you are English, we all know you are English and we all had to put the with the bullshit that came out of your mouth when England were knocked out of the Euro 2008 competition. So why on earth is this arrogant tool putting on a fresh new Dutch Accent? Just because you manage in a different country doesn't mean you have to use their accent. Sven always tried to speak English but he never put on some stupid fake accent. He is an embarrassment, the people in Holland probably think he is a fool because the Dutch can speak perfectly fine English.

Last of all, Steve, you lost 2-0. In his match report he claimed that he was happy with his result, and that he had Arsenal rattled for 60 minutes. Alright 60 minutes there were no goals, but by all means FC Twente were not winning were they?! After 60 minutes Gallas scores, OH NO! our plan has only worked for 60 minutes! If they had scored after 8 minute I am sure McClaren would have claimed that Arsenal were rattled for the 8 minutes prior to the first goal. Idiot what kind of reaction to the end of a game is that?

Wake Up

Wake Up is just a title of a song which I like, it's a bit lonely and sad. On a different note I really like Calvin Harris' music right now too.

Updates on life. Tennis first I guess. I got my racquet restrung because it was being anal and finally snapped. Played against Jason with it for the first time today, 6-0, 6-0, 6-1. I'm not sure whether my racquet did the work or if it was me. I kept on thinking about the placebo effect and on how although better equipment your game alot of the time it just comes down to the person. I'm trying to get fit again but it's so hard by yourself, sure you can play tennis and football, which are my 2 favourite sports, but you always have to have somebody to do it with, you can not do it by yourself!

What else, ah yes gaming. I now own a DS Lite, green too! It's so small and compact. Like IE! haha. I will soon own a PS2 as well, and hopefully I will get Singstar and Guitar Hero for next year at University.

I start my job soon, this Friday in fact, I hope it all goes well because I've been waiting a long time for this!

I'm starting to miss IH again, I didn't before but it's been a while now and thinking about the people at IH just makes me think about all the good times, I might get a chance to see the guys on Monday though, that will be good fun.

Watching the olympics is inspirational, I get goosebumps! especially when Adlington won her gold, absolutely fenomenal. In football, I found it hilarious that Portsmouth missed 3 penalties, in particular Glen Johnson. I hope united sign a striker soon, my preferred choice would be Berbatov, but Henry would be more audacious.